A Thought on Benevolence and The Significance of Letting Go of A Temptation

My last post was on July 1, exactly one month ago. It feels quite surreal to have this one month passed without you really being aware of it. Probably this is due to the three weeks of continuous midterms and assignments. And in between, there were tough and demanding lab reports. Thankfully, these come to a temporary halt, giving me some time off to relax and also to write a post for my blog. Though it is a short break, it is still very much appreciated.

All these while, I have a habit of doing some deep thinking, making reflections and virtually ‘re-experiencing’ some of the past and eventful episodes in my mind. This habit becomes more and more frequent ever since I first stepped into my university life. I must say that it is really fun because some of the sweet memories were revived. Simultaneously, I can learn or re-learn some of the valuable lessons so that the same mistakes will not be repeated again. Believe me; some of the past experiences of mine were awful but yet, it can actually be funny when I relived them.

There was one time when I asked myself about the kindness and benevolence that one person can actually give. To what extent, we can become a good and a kind person? Is there a boundary that defines the limit of us being benevolent? Can kindness be offered all the time, to everyone, and in every situation? The answer ‘yes’ for second question seems too ideal and cannot really apply in this realistic world; although I seriously wish it can actually be ‘yes’.

In fact, I realised that there is a price to pay for being too kind. The world is so realistic that you can never expect you will be treated the same if you are nice to another all the time. Certain people just love to take advantage of one’s kindness and we can only feel helpless and feel sorry for that kind person. At one time, I was persuaded to do one thing in which I did not really want to do it. However, I cannot be that bad to reject or to decline straight away for that person is a friend of mine. In the midst of much persuasion, I felt that it was not appropriate and it was not wise to say no. Later, I realised that I was wrong. I made a grave mistake that can spell danger to my studies. It was so unfortunate that this verdict cannot be overturned and I was made to regret it even now. If only I can become ‘heartless’ to that friend so that the decisive word of ‘no’ can be uttered out more confidently and firmly. I do not blame that friend. I only blame myself for being too kind.

This is just one of many experiences for being too kind in which at the end, I just laid myself into another complicated and intricate labyrinth of anger, distrust and regret. Well, it is not something uncommon to see one person, whom you never ill-treated before; turned his or her backside on you and walked off when you requested for help or his or her kindness. Such situations just made me wiser and I believe that benevolence should now only be given at the right time, to the right person and most importantly, in the right situation. I am not sure whether everyone will agree with me but I admit that I do believe in this strongly.

Recently, something has happened in which it almost bears resemblance with what I had experienced in the past, probably few years back. At one point, I am tempted to try on something which can be fun, exciting and happy. It can probably gives me the spark and drive that I never seen before in my life. Again, I realise that there is a high price to pay even before getting into that and I chose to resist this temptation. Looking at how similar it is with the one I experienced last time, I decided to let go of this temptation. The unnecessary stress, demoralisation, devastation and emotional strain are not the things that anyone will love to have them.

I may have chosen to miss out on this opportunity but yet, I feel it is the right thing to do. Grabbing this opportunity with strong iron grip can actually backfire where at the end; I will be left with nothing but pain. Therefore, instead of holding it with the strength of Hulk, I opened up my palm and let it go. I allowed it to go the way it should be. I will also not attempt to go further on intercepting the path of this opportunity as I believe that I am not the suitable or the rightful owner of it. This opportunity has its own right and freedom to find its right owner.

This short break lasts only awhile and I shall make good use of it. After this, there will be another round of midterms and ultimately, the final examination of this colourful semester. With that, I put another full stop on my posting.

Of Silent and Resilient

Entering the Week 5 of Year 3 Semester 1, I can see some of us are getting a little bit restless. Assignments and reports are accumulating and some can be seen in having dilemma choosing their Final Year Project topics. For me, I am struggling in trying to complete the works. Efficiency is a word that somehow manages to evade me. Hopefully, I can get all the works done by this week so that I will have sufficient time to prepare for my two midterms in Week 7.

As the time passes through rather quickly, some other words came across my mind. 'Efficiency' unfortunately was not one of them. However, I realised these two words were equally important as well. 'Silent' and 'Resilient'. Both word have almost similar spelling apart from the additional prefix 're-' on 'resilient'.

Some may perceive the trait of 'silent' as weak, helpless, fragile and even pathetic. To them, being silent means being shut down and no longer able to fight.But I would rather call 'silent' as a strength. 'Silent' actually favours recovery. 'Silent' allows reflection. 'Silent' gives rise to calmness and peace. Ultimately, 'silent' brings on 'resilient' to you.

Once you are in the mode of resilient, you will feel the significant difference and improvement within yourself. You are more resourceful and have more solutions to solve problems. You will be more calmed while handling crisis or stress. Even if you got battered by problems after another, you can still get back to feet and stand up against them bravely.

Silent is the word I that I have understood long time ago. But as it came across my mind, it made me recall few other importance of it during these few days. Especially in some circumstances in which I believe I could not control or have very less role to play, I would choose to be silent. Although there is an urge within me to know something that can be rather interesting or happening, I will choose to silence all my efforts to get to understand what are they.

After all, knowing them may not give me or any of you any benefits at all and it can possibly result in a swift backlash from certain parties. Furthermore, the brewing joy and laughters could end in an abrupt manner if there are people who some deemed not fit to understand, attempted to gain access to the happening atmosphere. That is the point where we can see embarassment and awkwardness starts to build up.

Through some personal observations, knowledge-sharings and experiences, I believe the right way to handle these is by being silent. Being silent is good in a way that you can avoid being the culprit. If you do not understand, you should not to try to pretend to be understanding. Just let everything flows in a natural manner and you will find things are much much better without you knowing what is happening.

Yet, if you happened to be at fault, you should not perceive quickly that you were the one bearing all or most of the guilts for that situation. It is the situation that doesn't allow your interest or urge in your heart to have its own way. Having the interest is not wrong. But bear in mind, in some situations, never ever go further than that. You would not want to be the subject of embarassment and ridicule.

On the whole, being silent is actually good in some circumstances. Speech is silver while silence is golden. Walk the talk and not the other way round. If you talk, make sure it's significant and you must translate the talk into actions.

To digress a little bit on the discussion of silent and resilient, last night I celebrated my former TARC coursemate's birthday in Hometown Steamboat, Genting Klang. I feel glad to meet the old friends and 'jimuis'. Some of them are really best friends of mine during my TARC days. I do miss the time when I was at TARC.

Happy birthday to you, Leaf and I hope you will be endowed with great luck, happiness and health.

P.S: Huilu's mango cheese cake was just splendid. To be able to bake such a nice cake is actually difficult and I have nothing but praise for her efforts, skills and sincerity. Good job, Huilu!

Taking picture with the birthday girl, Leaf and her bf, Jizz and other boys. Where were the other girls? =x.. They were actually taking their turns to take picture with the boys. SO, the boys really had a tough time last night. And Jordan was right that we should charge each girl RM10 for taking picture with us..LOL

The First Week of Uncertainty

Breathing and gasping for hope in the midst of uncertainty

The new semester has begun and without doubt, uncertainty and anxiety are looming around many of us. It is not an unusual sight to see some of your fellow friends sitting blurry and have no idea on what is going to take place later. It is not something uncommon to have many of your friends asking you this and asking you that.

Definitely, something has to be done to get everything under control. I, for once will not deny that I could not escape from all these as well. Especially being a group leader, I believe I need to play my part to calm the situation and to douse off the uncertainty so that my group members will no longer feel anxious. Whatsoever problems that can turn out to be chaotic need to be purged out. At the same time, I can take some break from the bombarding and non-stop enquiries about the timetable, the classes, the subjects et cetera. And I can move on towards my own personal goal without any hindrances.

That is why it is not encouraged to skip your first day or your first class or your first week. Otherwise you will have no idea at all of what has happened, what is happening, and what is going to happen. You will miss out important announcements too. Once you become disorganised, you could land yourself into bigger trouble and this will surely affect you throughout the whole semester.

As a group leader, I have responsibility to disseminate information. But bear in mind, you have the responsibility to yourself as well by getting the information at the first place. You SEE, HEAR and ASK at the first place. The group leader or even the course representative is like everyone else, a student. They need to sort out their own problems too during the first week and plus, need to get clarification over some unclear explanation and announcement from the lecturers.

So, in the future, try not to resort to blaming your course rep or group leader unnecessarily if whatever information that you want could not be delivered to you. This is especially true if you skip classes; be it during the first week or the weeks after that. One thing for sure, either as a group leader or a course rep, we will never evade our responsibilities to disseminate necessary information equally. It is just that some questions we are not sure about the answers, and therefore we have to say, “I am not sure”. After all, we are very much like you, a student.

For this semester, the number of students in my group has shrinked to 14. Two of my classmates have decided to stop their studies while another one has to repeat his second year studies in Kampar. I feel quite sad for the two who decided to discontinue their studies. Anyway, I respect their decision and I wish them all the best in the future. I would like to wish Huey Tee all the best in Kampar and I hope she stays resolute and never give up no matter how tough the going is.

For this semester, it is compulsory to take an elective subject. It is either you take the Organizational Behaviour (OB) or Entrepreneurship (Entre). I decide to choose the latter one. Some friends said that I love to challenge the difficulties and that is why I take Entre. Well, every subject you take has its own difficulties and heck, OB can be a difficult subject too. It is just a matter of interest that I take up Entre as I believe it is more related and relevant to what I want to pursue in the future. After all, I had studied most of the things in OB not once but twice. So, why not I study something new rather than repeating the same things all over again? Even if what most of my friends said about the Entre lecturer are true, I believe she will not be the worst lecturer I ever seen. Ever since the second year second semester, I have been mentally prepared to work on my own whenever needed.

During this first week, I also did something which I hope can fulfil part of my pledge to do more charity whenever possible. After all, Buddha asks its followers to accumulate more good deeds. However, I know someone will be unhappy with what I did. But I understand that and I will have no hard feelings for that.

Personally, this first week did give me some hints to be more alert and to pay attention to every single detail. Apart from that, there is a need to inject stability to all the things that can cause confusion and also to organize whatever that is disordered and messy. Never let yourself bewildered and become lost in the middle of nowhere. It is essential to know what are the things that you should and must do. AND….Never give up

p.s: I hope YP’s appeal will turn out to be successful.. All the best! I know this posting is rather lengthy..but if I do not write more, I am not sure when I am going to write again as I want to fully commit myself to my studies. Hopefully this semester is going to be a nice one and I can have some spare time to write ^^

The eve of the new beginning

Having mixed feeling

The same feeling returns each time the new semester is going to commence. That kind of feeling is rather complicated and I would rather try not to have it. This is because it can disturb my jolly holiday mood. Anyway, such feeling comes naturally and there is no way I can try to stop it from coming.

Each time a new semester is going to begin, I will have some mixed feeling. It is not only that I need to put a full stop to my semester break. It is about reluctance. It is about avoidance. It is about anticipation. It is about excitement. Part of all these could be influenced by past experiences in which I hope some will not be able to repeat themselves again.

I hope I can step into this new semester with renewed passion and commitment. I strive to do much better than the previous semesters. There is no way that I will give up although the objective of getting to President's List is becoming more and more unreachable and difficult to be accomplished. I will still hold onto the resolution I made in the early of the year.

Yesterday morning I was asked to work. Saturday normally is a good day that provides great opportunities to do a lot of sales and to earn a lot of money. However, my day started off rather badly. Other brand counters such as Hugo Boss, CK, Issey Miyake, Gucci and Ferragamo had sold more than RM600 worth fragrances product each by 1pm. I only managed to sell a RM90 Armani Deodorant Stick.

By 4pm, some of the brands had reached sales amounted to RM1000. Giorgio Armani was still at RM90. I feared that this RM90 amount will not change and I would return home with extremely little earning. However, I did not give up. I approached as many customers as I could. Continuous rejection did frustate me. There were no potential customers at all. Many did not really buy into my idea of trying Armani fragrances.

At 6pm, I was supposed to pack my stuff and returned home. I decided to stay for few more minutes, hoping that I could sell at least a bottle and would not return home feeling despair. Around 6.03pm, miracle happened. A regular customer came in and bought three bottles of Armani fragrances worth RM785. I succeeded in doing 'chap set', a term coined by the fragrance consultants referring to selling a lot of perfumes or perfume sets at the same time to the same customer. I returned home feeling overjoyed.

What happened yesterday convinced me that as long we do not choose to give up, we still have chance to succeed. If we choose to give up, then your chance to succeed or to achieve what you want is equivalent to zero. Yesterday could be deemed by many as a small matter but the lesson behinds is truly a matter of utmost importance to me.

Never give up, people.. never ever give up..

I wish all my friends and coursemates good luck and all the best for the new semester. I believe that the new semester will promise more sparks, more momentous moments, much tougher journey, more difficult times and livelier 'DRAMAS'.. See all of you soon..

Facing the moment of truth

The semester break I am having now is quite short. I wished it could be extended for another one week. Nevertheless, going back to school is inevitable and another gruelling semester will begin next week. And I will be in my final year.

So far, this holiday has been good. I am able to do things that I loved very much. I can meet up with some of my close and best friends for late night mamak drinks. Each time we went out for a drink, there will be a lot of laughters and entertaining jokes. I really enjoy it a lot.

Apart from that, I am working hard to make myself fitter by jogging in the morning and plus playing badminton with my friends. I am totally freshened up each time I sweat and I really feel good about it.

Watching all the downloaded drama series and movies is another good thing to do during this short holiday. I am currently catching up with E.U. Although the 'Laughing Gor' mania has considerably subsided, it is still an interesting drama to watch.

Besides, few days after my exam ended, my supervisor called me up and asked me to work. I agreed straight away for I can earn extra money.  Therefore, I returned to the newly-renovated Parkson Sg. Wang as a part-time fragrance consultant again. For the time being, I have worked for six days. Though the sales during the six days were not that encouraging, I managed to break my personal sales record on one weekend in which I sold RM3.3K of Giorgio Armani. As such, the earning for that particular day was quite satisfying.

Furthermore, I can meet up some old friends and 'kakaks' in the fragrance department. The newly-renovated Parkson has brought up a new image and experience of its own. The fragrance department, particularly becomes brighter and it hopes it can attract more customers. Parkson has even appointed an efferminate customer service manager to lecture some of the staffs and promoters so that they can consistently give good customer service. But most of the staffs in the fragrance department gave thumbs down for that.

On 21/5, CCB, the self-proclaimed "K歌之王" challenged me for a PK competition in karaoke in Neway Times Square. The PK was judged by Kaiyik, who does not have any notable credential and remarkable achievement in music industry..lol.. My performance was not that good as I was not in good condition. However, the result was quite clear that day. But the result was changed after that. Kaiyik was probably under duress as CCB was the one who will drive him home. LOL! Nevermind that.

The next day, I watched Angels and Demons with some other friends. The movie was not that bad in which some of the events inside the book were omitted. Some of the characters were removed as well. The movie was a little bit too fast-paced and the flow of the story is not that smooth as the development of the story was not enough..Anyway, it is still ok and better than Da Vinci Code.

Singing with true feeling and by giving justice to the song as well

An act from a lunatic (LOL!): CCB went berserk.. suddenly kneel down and shouted his lungs out.. just kidding, CCB

CCB lied down on the sofa and sang using his infamous falsetto. Poor Kaiyik, he had to sit closer to capture this moment of madness

CCB and I sang together

 Shuang and I after watching Angels and Demons

Meeting my 'little sister', Jess again in Parkson after didn't see her for a long time

Hmmm, getting to the main point, my holiday even though seems fulfiling and pleasing but still, there was no way I could escape from facing the moment of truth, the truth whether all my hard works pay off during last semester. I am not the best but I always keep fighting. I believe I worked harder compared to the first semester but I am not sure whether it's good enough to get myself to the result I desired. 

The result tab has appeared one week before the result was even released. So, it kept us guessing regarding the date of the release of examination result during that period. After I returned from working last Monday, I got the news that the result is out but many could not check it as there was heavy traffic to access to the University Intranet.

Thus, I delayed checking of my own result for one day and I planned to check it yesterday. However, there was something bothering my mind. I was discouraged from checking my result by that.  Word has it that many of my friends do not get result favorable to them. I am uncertain whether I am actually afraid but I hope I am not. I decided to delay for another day.

It is already three days (including today) after the result is released. I decided not to delay any further. Keeping on delaying is not a wise thing to do. The moment after I posted this, I shall go to the Intranet and check. All the best to myself..

The end just fell flat..

Year Two Semester Two examination is over. Yes, it is over. But why it feels nothing at all? For the past few days, I have been waiting anxiously for yesterday to come. I was really excited but at the end, it is just empty. As empty as how Shakespeare portrayed, “full of sound and fury..signifying nothing”.

Anyway, it is something good to reflect on. I do not feel like wanting to celebrate in large scale over the end of the examination. I would rather take this very short break to rest and relax. I am not tired physically, it is just my mind that is jaded.

This second semester was actually a nice one. There were some positive improvements in myself although I know there are rooms for even more. I can see some paradigm shift within myself as I show more hunger, determination and commitment towards what I want. Hopefully, all these can be translated into an excellent result. Nonetheless, it would not be easy if I were to judge myself based on the recently-ended examination. I knew I could have done much better.

Yesterday, after the examination ended, Kaiyik and I went out for a drink with another friend, Skorpioni (he wants to be known like that, though we have a better name for him). We went to the Pak Li Café, to Jusco Wangsa Maju for mini- basketball game and to the Starbucks too. This outing was a little bit dull although we managed to break the 600 points barrier altogether. Yet, I want to thank Skorpioni for his willingness to come out and give us a lift. Thanks, CCB and I shall consider your invitation for a PK challenge.

Drinking the Lattes and Frappucino in Starbucks.. LoOked rather moody, aren't they?

CCB was probably tired after his personal morning 'romping' activities

Kaiyik was sitting like an Irish mob boss who imagined himself drinking an Irish coffee in Starbuck

Skorpioni was probably looking at some 'leng' lui outside

Thinking of something rather seriously

Hey, CCB.. you better make this looks good

Dozing off....

Probably Skorpioni thought this looks good on himself. 算了吧,CCB.

Tips on how to identify the slimeballs

Our life can be very much influenced by the people we meet everyday, either the good one or the bad one. I do agree with a maxim that life can actually be dull and rather monotonous if the bad ones extinct. This is because it is pretty difficult to learn some valuable lessons and experiences if there are no assholes and jerks in your life.

Few months ago or rather recently, I found out that a new breed of the bad ones has emerged. They are called the 'slimeballs'. These slimeballs are sometimes known as the scumbags. Therefore, it is with pleasure to share some of my experiences from my encounter with these slimeballs cum scumbags with all of you including the tips to identify them.

The first symptom is pretty obvious. A 'slimeball' can proudly proclaim himself that he is likable, lovable and endearing to many people surrounding him. He will not feel ashamed to tell you that many people really like him and enjoy having him as company. Oblivious to him, this slimebag actually has many people disliked and despised him at the same time. Well, it is not unusual to have people dislike you at times. But, since this slimeball has the audacity to announce to the whole world that many people like him, then the issue of having many people disliking him becomes much more significant.

Secondly, a slimeball can claim he treats every single person sincerely. However, this slimeball can turn out to be the worst hypocrite of all time by befriending the people who only has '利用价值'* to him. For example, he will feel it is ok to have the friend to do all his important works for him while he is away to enjoy and relax his badly-formed ass elsewhere. So, is this what you called 'sincere', slimeball?

Thirdly, a slimeball likes to find satisfaction by mocking a person that he feels has different view with him. He enjoys a lot in creating a sensation out of himself by mocking and ridiculing someone. But this slimeball should be beware of mocking the wrong person. This is because he could be made to regret all over his next stupid and unintelligent action.

Fourthly, a slimeball more or less does not respect the existence of differences in view. He does not really like the idea of each person is entitled to his or her opinion. He will feel that if your opinion or view does not sound nice to hear, he will not hesitate to said in a pretending manner,"oh, enough enough...i respect your view,i respect your view".

Next, this slimeball truly believes he knows best of what things shud be done, what is right and wrong, what is the appropriate action or behaviour and also morality. Furthermore, he loves to boost that he has the experience for this and that. So, once he is dissatisfied with what you do, he will chide you off. This slimeball also dares to utter out the line," I think I should not teach you anymore about this.." . You teach people, slimeball? Really funny. Probably he thinks he is on par with the moral guru and religious scholar and this qualifies him to teach people. In fact, most of his action and behavior can be disputed at their best. This slimeball himself is also a question of morality. Hmm... I,myself do not dare to teach people as what a slimeball does except on academic stuff when my friends asked me. Other than that, I am willing to offer only my humble advice and NOT teaching if they are facing problems in determining their appropriate actions and behaviours.

Usually, this slimeball's working attitude does not impress many people. However, we cannot come into a quick conclusion that the works of slimeball are poor and lack of quality. Some of the works are actually good and are acceptable. There are just few things that made him being turned off by people who could have worked with him. For instance, his absence without any valid or without logically accepted excuses which made other people feeling insecure towards him. Or maybe the way he conducts his work for example, being cincai,tak apa and last minute. These are just only few examples.

So, what should we do if we meet slimeballs? Well, I feel that if the slimeballs do not take advantage of our patience and tolerance towards them,it is still ok. However, if they crossed the limit, we should say ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Preferably, we make them keeping their feet onto the ground and make them regretting all over the annoying words they had spoken plus the actions that they done.

That's all for the posting. Any feedbacks are welcomed. Cheers... ^^

*利用价值 - The values you possessed which are useful. Once you no longer have the values, you are totally useless